Let's talk about the 'D' word!
As a celebrant it’s almost taboo to talk about break ups and divorce but I think it is really important and it’s a line I’m going to cross. Right now!!
In 2016, 118,401 people were married and statistics currently show that 33% of those will end in divorce. Heart breaking right!!
If I put my positive cap on, we can see that the number of couples ending in divorce are in decline. Maybe this is because 81% of couples now live together before marriage or maybe it’s because we’re getting married much older. (Men – 31.8yrs & Women – 31.5yrs)
So, what can I as a celebrant do to better prepare you for life after your wedding day? Because there is a difference between getting married and being married. When the buzz of the wedding is over and you return from your honeymoon you will also return to normal life. Which means….. you will start living your married life. The house work will need doing, the busy schedules will return and maybe one day in the future you will have to navigate new roles as parents. So why don’t we talk about this now? Before the wedding day? Have you considered how your roles will change? How you would overcome serious conflict? How would you react if something in your relationship changed?
How can you protect yourself? With two simple words…. PRE-MARRIAGE COUNSELLING. Now I can see your eyes rolling and don’t worry mine did too, but this stuff works. Couples who complete pre marriage counselling have a 31% less chance of divorce (Futris el al 2011) Whether you choose to do one session or invest in your relationship and book quarterly sessions…. It’s a foot in the right direction.
As a society we see counselling as something to consider when things are in trouble, when in reality it should be a preventative measure. Marriage is ongoing, it takes time and work to maintain it. We should be proud that we are investing in our relationships. I mean if I invested half as much in my relationship as I do in my wardrobe, I would probably be some kind of relationship Goddess.
I always offer my couples information on pre-marriage counselling but I want to extend that offer to everyone. If you would like to invest in your relationship please contact a counsellor in your area or check out these three below:
And for a little bit of fun… download the app ‘Gottman Card Deck’ A fun way to bond with your partner. Thanks to Tenielle Nuske for that tip – it’s one of my favs. (Tenielle is a fellow Adelaide marriage celebrant and all-round legend)